The first thing to say is book now – it’s only on until Saturday – and read this at your leisure, or after you’ve seen it if you want to avoid possible spoilers and be as surprised, delighted and shocked as I have been.  

The idea is you are coming to the Wellington Combined College end of year show that students who received the most 2017 detentions have been obliged to devise and produce in the name of Restorative Justice. It is performed in the School Hall (The Heyday Dome) and the backstage dressing room is the Staff Room (The Propeller Stage). And it doesn’t matter which order you see the two halves in. That will be a choice you make – or you can lucky-dip it – when you exchange your ticket for a token at the Detention Centre desk (in the BATS foyer).

Devised by the Chapel Perilous company – directed by Stella Reid with Finnius Teppett as script advisor: two talents who have consolidated their undoubted skills to Wellington’s great benefit this year – The Christmas Detention Centre continues the exacting ‘simultaneous dual performance’ genre, first seen in Wellington (to my knowledge) at the 2002 NZ Festival when a Netherlands company memorably staged Picnic at Waitangi Park, with half audience out front and the other half observing backstage. Then in 2006, at Shed 11, Whiti Hereaka’s comedy I Ain’t Nothing But, simultaneously shared a cast with A Glimmer In The Dark, She Said, devised by Open Book Productions [reviewed here]. (I’m not aware of Alan Ayckbourn’s diptych (linked pair) House & Garden being performed in New Zealand but it premiered in Scarborough in 1999 and transferred to the National in London the following year.)

The Hall features the Latin legend ‘hoc est taurum stercore’ (‘this is bull shit’) which I see as a dedication to the company’s “memories of performing as a teen,” as noted in the programme: “the absorbed American accents; the inspired poems and confessional monologues; the intense series of firsts.” What we witness in the staffroom also explores the mixed blessings of Christmas.

We are greeted in the hall by the Drama Teacher, referred to only as “Miss” (Jean Sergent), and the multi-badged Head Girl, Gabrielle (Gabby) Kennedy (Hannah Kelly) who aspires to tertiary study at Toi Whakaari New Zealand Drama School and is obviously not a recidivist Detentionee. Apparently Gabby helped to write the show, which is inspired by a tragic moment in NZ history, and she will take a leading role – as Bob Blair’s fiancée, Nerissa Love.

Yes, it turns out the show – entitled River of Tears – is a bad-taste and brilliantly chaotic attempt to evoke the tragedy of the Tangiwai rail disaster which happened on Christmas Eve 1953, when the newly crowned Queen Elizabeth II was gracing us with a Royal Tour. While test cricketer Bob Blair – who was with the NZ team in South Africa at the time – is played by the PE teacher, Dave Peters, referred to as “Mr P” (Barnaby Olson), the remaining cast are the aforementioned detention recidivists.

Harrison Kennedy (Tom Clarke) is Gabby’s drug-abusing ‘bad twin’ brother. Louie B (Logan Cole), trying to get his NCEA for the umpteenth time, is a yoga-teaching conciliator when he’s not acting out. I’m not clear why Jana Burner (Ashleigh Williams) has scored so many detentions but she’s a conscientious and gifted performer. What gets Julian Norris (Jake Brown) into trouble is that he is an avid political activist – and so he has created himself a scientist character, on the fated train, who has foreseen the spectre of climate change (in 1953!) only to have his research die with him.

Other entertaining clangers include strap-hanging on The Limited (the overnight train to Auckland), miming the layout of a carriage as European. and Gabby adopting an American accent for Nerissa, because that’s how tragic heroines sound in the movies.

Jean Sergent absolutely nails the persona and language of the dedicated Drama teacher who loves her students wholeheartedly and is a force to be reckoned with when inappropriate ‘love’ comes to light. Hannah Kelly is totally believable as wannabe Toi student Gabby, hungry for experience in other areas too.

Tom Clarke (just awarded Actor of the Year at the WTAs) finds the little boy lost beneath Harrison’s reckless and dark persona – and is absolutely brilliant in the dance sequences, as is Ashleigh Williams as Jana. Logan Cole creates a refreshingly unpredictable character as Louie B.

Jake Brown’s Julian traverses an impressive range of states and emotions, and his ‘R I P Aotearoa’ – which I’m told Brown wrote himself – is a high point. As for Barnaby Olson’s Mr P, he is arguably more flawed and culpable than anyone yet there is poignancy to be found in his life.  

There are two love stories, one gay and one straight; one tenderly legit, the other very illegit. Unlike the earlier devised Christmas show, Christmas Actually, The Christmas Detention Centre is richly textured. The diptych medium does not satisfy itself with being the message but is the highly entertaining means by with we discover and rediscover abiding truths about our lives and humanity in general.

Director Stella Reid and the very theatrically intelligent cast and crew have ensured the dynamics of the onstage and backstage action are very different and each is to be appreciated anew when the other act is witnessed. Rose Kirkup’s production design is excellent, as are all Jason Longstaff’s contributions as AV and lighting designer, operator and technician.

If you didn’t take my word for it out the outset, I hope I have convinced you to book now. That’s my festive season wish to all in a position to do so.

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