Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Arthur.
Arthur who?
Arthur jokes likely to be funny if there’s no crudity? 

That’s what I’ve come to find out.

The debut show of Wash Your Mouth Out bills itself as a night of stand-up comedy focussing entirely on clean humour, and promises side-splitting, clever clean comedy that’s smart not smut. I trust the claim includes no indecent language that all too often is used to cover up for lack of wit. Given the usual comedy fare it’s a big ask, but I’m really hoping the company delivers – and here at last is something you can take your granny to.  

Hold on, I am a granny, so is the friend who’s with me.

So, two grannies go into a theatre … 

Tim Muller, as the MC and first act, starts the evening right on time while apparently texting, but this is no ordinary telephone – as he taps the message the tones on his ‘phonaphone’ produce a creditable rendition of ‘I just called to say I love you’. The point of a few minutes of filling using a bag of marshmallows isn’t immediately obvious – perhaps it will become clearer later. (It sort of does, though except for the two people who get to eat them at the end, it still seems a little thin.) He is at his best in a later slot when he acts out his experiences attending romantic films.

I’m just wondering how a story about a “shaggin’ wagon” comes into the smutless concept when we switch to the next contributor. 

Gerard Paapu, a sand-coloured Māori (it’s explained) has good strong material as he shares stories and insights on ethnic identity in his own country. The tangi versus funeral comparison, and his experience as a short-term student at a rural school, could be developed even more. He’s a likeable fellow who gets a little carried away by his own stories and forgets the brief, so at the end of his twenty minutes five f***s and 2 sh*ts have been added to the account.

Julia Holden exudes confidence from the start, and her slot is more polished and fluent, and so easier to follow. Her story about the 269 Furby toys given to her as a child (grannies take note) is funny and well told. A university student who wouldn’t look out of place in an Intermediate School classroom, Julia wisely keeps to material close to her experience and, like her bright pink hair, it suits her. This comedienne is one to watch out for in future.

The next presentation, by Dave Nicholls, is also more confident and practised. His piece on body language, so well-illustrated, is both funny and perceptive as he picks up on quirks of human behaviour observed in his working life. Though there’s laughter from the audience, I’m not sure the parody of The Lord’s Prayer is the safest choice in a clean family show. Add two “Christs” and a “Jesus!”

By the end of the evening the smut score is way down on most shows that pass as comedy but this is still not the squeaky-clean family-friendly show promised. 

It’s a start. A little more flossing and rinsing and the Wash Your Mouth Out crew might just provide a breath of fresh air in the comedy calendar.

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